Attention getter: I see a lot of tense faces in here. How many of you are nervous right now? That’s normal. Some of you in here may be thinking that you just want to do this and get this over with because you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t like this. Because I’m nervous too, I would like to ask for your help. Would you be willing to help by repeating after me? ‘I feel very confident.’
Thesis statement: Success in everything we do begins with choosing to have the tough conversations with ourselves and transforming our attitude.
Statement of credibility: I was abused most of my life by my parents, my grandparents and even friends of the family. I was beaten and told by my father that he wished I had never been born, beaten when I couldn’t memorize my multiplication table or how to spell ‘neighbor’ and told that I was stupid. I believed everything that everybody ever told me and I believed that I was stupid. Because of that, I didn’t graduate High School. Then, I couldn’t get a job, so I got my GED and I made do with what I had. It was a struggle.
I am also a recovering Sarcoma patient that has never been given a clean remission bill of health. The doctors predicted that I would not make it past a year. Then, my mother died seven months after my last radiation treatment in a scuba diving incident.
She was my reason to fight, to
survive. I believed that I was going to
die before her but that did not happen.
I wanted to give up after she died.
I had every excuse to give up. To tell myself that I could not go to college and get a degree. I used to have conversations with myself saying that I was stupid but I was not listening to myself to understand that I was repeating what others told me.
Preview: When I came to Pierce College, I was unemployed and I knew I needed to take a class, so I attended the PierceWorks Program and realized that I was making the choice to have the wrong attitude. That attitude was because of how I chose to look at what I have seen, what I have heard and how I was feeling about myself. I will be forty-nine years old this year and last month, for the first time in my life, I walked that stage.
process what we
see and hear from others and
our self-talk for
fight or flight
shared Intrapersonal Communication: A
review and Critique , that intrapersonal communication-- what I call
concept that happens inside each person in a conversation, and it is often
referred to as key to all other
methods of interaction because of
how we understand ourselves in relation to our environment
- What are the things that we are saying to ourselves because of what we see and what we hear?
- When we interact with professors and students on campus, we process what they look like, how they dress, and how they behave.
- We compare our perception of our identity with who we are interacting with and we have conversations in our minds.
are we saying to ourselves?
- I don’t like this subject.
- I can’t ask the teacher questions because I might sound stupid.
listen for information around us and it has an effect on our self-talk.
- Is someone getting up and leaving the room? Are they done already?
youwalk through the cafeteria we listen to all the different conversations happening around us while we are looking for familiar and comforting faces. Sometimes it can be overwhelming.
- During tests
communication starts with having quality conversations with ourselves. Throw the word ‘can’t’ out of your
vocabulary. Burn it. It has no useful benefit for your success in
school, at work, or at home.
- In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey says, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak.” (251)
- Instead of saying ‘I can’t’ and ‘I don’t’, change it to ‘I can’ and ‘I will’ and listen to yourself. Do you understand what you are saying to yourself or are you listening to reply?
- How we interpret what we are seeing and what we are hearing will influence how we feel. How do we feel about our identity compared to others and how are we going to behave because of that?
- Stanley Cunningham shared Intrapersonal Communication: A review and Critique , that intrapersonal communication-- what I call self-talk--is a fairly new concept that happens inside each person in a conversation, and it is often referred to as key to all other methods of interaction because of how we understand ourselves in relation to our environment (323).
his book How to Win Friends and Influence
People, Dale Carnegie says “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and
complain—and most fools do. But it takes
character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
we are having the conversations with ourselves, are we criticizing
we are criticizing ourselves we will often complain to try to comfort ourselves
with a reason for our self-criticisms.
- Stop doing that. Instead, be understanding and forgiving of yourself.
- While we are criticizing ourselves we will often complain to try to comfort ourselves with a reason for our self-criticisms.
- Also, pay attention to how many times are you complaining during the day.
- Listen to how you choose to voice your struggles. Life is filled with challenges every day. Empower yourself to rise above those struggles.
- When we are having the conversations with ourselves, are we criticizing ourselves?
attention to what you are saying to yourself because what you are doing is
paving the road for your level of success.
you see and hear of yourself will directly impact what you see and what you are
going to hear and understand of others.
- Stop comparing yourself to others while criticizing, condemning and complaining about yourself.
- Start telling yourself that you can do this. You can achieve and you will succeed.
- Complement yourself, praise yourself for a job well done and if there was a moment of struggle, forgive yourself because it is okay.
- What you see and hear of yourself will directly impact what you see and what you are going to hear and understand of others.
Review: As someone who has been abused in almost every imaginable way I had every excuse to believe what I was saying to myself with what I was seeing, what I was hearing and what I was feeling because of what other people told me.
Restate thesis: In short, what I am trying to convey is, that when we stop our default behavior and ask ourselves what we think we are seeing, hearing and feeling, then we can begin changing the path of good communication with ourselves so we can have effective conversations with others.
Action step: Continue for the rest of your lives to question yourselves, your professors, your co-workers and everyone you interact with so you continue to grow and learn. Make yourself uncomfortable because comfortable is not learning and when we are not learning we are not achieving the best person we have the potential to be.
Closing Statement: Change your self-talk and embrace your values because many people in this world will be more than happy to tell you that you can’t, you don’t and won’t. Show the world that when the conversations within ourselves change, we can communicate better with others to understand one another. Modify the discussion with yourself and empower yourself to understand that you will and you can because for you, you are possible.
Carnegie, Dale. "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1964. 14. Print.
Covey, Stephen. "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." Covey, Stephen. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 2008. 251. Print.
Cunningham, Stanley. "Intrapersonal communication: A review and critique." Intrapersonal Communication Processes, Speech Communication Association and Hayden-McNeil (1995). 323. Web.