Saturday, December 12, 2015
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Special Occasion Speech: Eulogy for the Word “Can’t”
Friends, cohorts and underclassmen, lend me your ears. We come to bury the word “can’t” and to praise him. He has joined his cousins “I won’t”, “I don’t” and “I hate” that went before him, not long ago. We have had a lifetime of experiences together, bonded with a sense of intimacy that surpassed all other relationships. He was my accomplice, my best friend, my lover, and my muse.
Can’t is survived by the words ‘I can’, ‘I will’ and ‘I am’. Their presence was often overshadowed by his exuberant and tenacious fervor for existence. Can’t was the best ally a person could have because he was dependable, influential and comforting.
Can’t has touched many lives, he might have touched yours too. I remember how loyal he was, holding my hand when I came to Pierce College to take the Compass test. As I stood in the waiting room, ready to take that test, he faithfully remained at my side whispering his sweet nothings. He was entrancing and hypnotizing me in ways that only he could do. I remember my heart racing as I began to sweat, then he whispered more of his contentions dizzying me with his spell and enchantments.
This spell is the influence that I know I, alone, cannot claim was unique to me. He was an expert in this because it was his profession, his artistry. He has shared his talents selflessly with a worldwide impact as several continue to echo his flair in prose. His influence can often be heard in common household conversations. His clout reverberates in classes and school halls. His ambition is reflected in accordance where we work and where we play. Can’t has even been a fashion in politics, news and social media touted as the latest best conformity. He was not prejudiced or bigoted, and dare I say, all-inclusive. In fact, he was probably one of the first few to cross the bias of economics, fame, religion, race, culture, gender and sexual preference. He was always like a mist in the horizon on a crisp autumn morning, eager to blanket anyone ambitious enough to accept him with open arms as they would sink into the pleasure of his embrace.
There were days, weeks, months and sometimes years, where he would voluntarily envelop any willing person with the luxury of his presence. Many of us nestled, comfortably, as we felt a shroud of protection with his association in teams and community. For some of us, he helped us build walls and moats of protection that offered a sense of security and constant. He was like an invisible force, at times, as his magnetism attracted us like bees to honey. For many of us, he was gracious and generous with his time. It was easy to dwell in his company that felt like an old familiar blanket on a cold winter morning comforting us with reason to continue to bask in his warmth permitting us to slumber and hibernate. “It’s okay”, he would whisper, “This is where you need to be.”
Now it is time to lay “can’t” to rest and bid farewell to our familiar friend. He has offered many lessons learned about reliability, prominence, and solace. It is time to look to his survivors ‘I can’, ‘I will’ and ‘I am’ as we all begin the path of reformation and restoration with an existence without his charisma. His many accomplishments should never be forgotten. Hold on to those memories of him, if you dare, and pass his story forward as we continue to carry on.
If you would all please join me in a moment of tribute to the word “can’t”—May “can’t” forever rest in peace as we adventure onward with “I can”, “I will” and “I am”.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Attention getter: I see a lot of tense faces in here. How many of you are nervous right now? That’s normal. Some of you in here may be thinking that you just want to do this and get this over with because you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t like this. Because I’m nervous too, I would like to ask for your help. Would you be willing to help by repeating after me? ‘I feel very confident.’
Thesis statement: Success in everything we do begins with choosing to have the tough conversations with ourselves and transforming our attitude.
Statement of credibility: I was abused most of my life by my parents, my grandparents and even friends of the family. I was beaten and told by my father that he wished I had never been born, beaten when I couldn’t memorize my multiplication table or how to spell ‘neighbor’ and told that I was stupid. I believed everything that everybody ever told me and I believed that I was stupid. Because of that, I didn’t graduate High School. Then, I couldn’t get a job, so I got my GED and I made do with what I had. It was a struggle.
I am also a recovering Sarcoma patient that has never been given a clean remission bill of health. The doctors predicted that I would not make it past a year. Then, my mother died seven months after my last radiation treatment in a scuba diving incident.
She was my reason to fight, to
survive. I believed that I was going to
die before her but that did not happen.
I wanted to give up after she died.
I had every excuse to give up. To tell myself that I could not go to college and get a degree. I used to have conversations with myself saying that I was stupid but I was not listening to myself to understand that I was repeating what others told me.
Preview: When I came to Pierce College, I was unemployed and I knew I needed to take a class, so I attended the PierceWorks Program and realized that I was making the choice to have the wrong attitude. That attitude was because of how I chose to look at what I have seen, what I have heard and how I was feeling about myself. I will be forty-nine years old this year and last month, for the first time in my life, I walked that stage.
process what we
see and hear from others and
our self-talk for
fight or flight
shared Intrapersonal Communication: A
review and Critique , that intrapersonal communication-- what I call
concept that happens inside each person in a conversation, and it is often
referred to as key to all other
methods of interaction because of
how we understand ourselves in relation to our environment
- What are the things that we are saying to ourselves because of what we see and what we hear?
- When we interact with professors and students on campus, we process what they look like, how they dress, and how they behave.
- We compare our perception of our identity with who we are interacting with and we have conversations in our minds.
are we saying to ourselves?
- I don’t like this subject.
- I can’t ask the teacher questions because I might sound stupid.
listen for information around us and it has an effect on our self-talk.
- Is someone getting up and leaving the room? Are they done already?
youwalk through the cafeteria we listen to all the different conversations happening around us while we are looking for familiar and comforting faces. Sometimes it can be overwhelming.
- During tests
communication starts with having quality conversations with ourselves. Throw the word ‘can’t’ out of your
vocabulary. Burn it. It has no useful benefit for your success in
school, at work, or at home.
- In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey says, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak.” (251)
- Instead of saying ‘I can’t’ and ‘I don’t’, change it to ‘I can’ and ‘I will’ and listen to yourself. Do you understand what you are saying to yourself or are you listening to reply?
- How we interpret what we are seeing and what we are hearing will influence how we feel. How do we feel about our identity compared to others and how are we going to behave because of that?
- Stanley Cunningham shared Intrapersonal Communication: A review and Critique , that intrapersonal communication-- what I call self-talk--is a fairly new concept that happens inside each person in a conversation, and it is often referred to as key to all other methods of interaction because of how we understand ourselves in relation to our environment (323).
his book How to Win Friends and Influence
People, Dale Carnegie says “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and
complain—and most fools do. But it takes
character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
we are having the conversations with ourselves, are we criticizing
we are criticizing ourselves we will often complain to try to comfort ourselves
with a reason for our self-criticisms.
- Stop doing that. Instead, be understanding and forgiving of yourself.
- While we are criticizing ourselves we will often complain to try to comfort ourselves with a reason for our self-criticisms.
- Also, pay attention to how many times are you complaining during the day.
- Listen to how you choose to voice your struggles. Life is filled with challenges every day. Empower yourself to rise above those struggles.
- When we are having the conversations with ourselves, are we criticizing ourselves?
attention to what you are saying to yourself because what you are doing is
paving the road for your level of success.
you see and hear of yourself will directly impact what you see and what you are
going to hear and understand of others.
- Stop comparing yourself to others while criticizing, condemning and complaining about yourself.
- Start telling yourself that you can do this. You can achieve and you will succeed.
- Complement yourself, praise yourself for a job well done and if there was a moment of struggle, forgive yourself because it is okay.
- What you see and hear of yourself will directly impact what you see and what you are going to hear and understand of others.
Review: As someone who has been abused in almost every imaginable way I had every excuse to believe what I was saying to myself with what I was seeing, what I was hearing and what I was feeling because of what other people told me.
Restate thesis: In short, what I am trying to convey is, that when we stop our default behavior and ask ourselves what we think we are seeing, hearing and feeling, then we can begin changing the path of good communication with ourselves so we can have effective conversations with others.
Action step: Continue for the rest of your lives to question yourselves, your professors, your co-workers and everyone you interact with so you continue to grow and learn. Make yourself uncomfortable because comfortable is not learning and when we are not learning we are not achieving the best person we have the potential to be.
Closing Statement: Change your self-talk and embrace your values because many people in this world will be more than happy to tell you that you can’t, you don’t and won’t. Show the world that when the conversations within ourselves change, we can communicate better with others to understand one another. Modify the discussion with yourself and empower yourself to understand that you will and you can because for you, you are possible.
Carnegie, Dale. "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1964. 14. Print.
Covey, Stephen. "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." Covey, Stephen. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 2008. 251. Print.
Cunningham, Stanley. "Intrapersonal communication: A review and critique." Intrapersonal Communication Processes, Speech Communication Association and Hayden-McNeil (1995). 323. Web.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Frances Morton, M.A.
Jung Type Sorter Paper: Personality Type INFJ
As an introvert, it is correct that INFJs can be mistaken for extroverts over introverts. When I previously took this personality test as a requirement for another class, originally I assessed as an INFP so I suspect that I will fluctuate. It was stated that I must be an extrovert and there was shock when I informed the person that he was incorrect in his assumption. Another classmate who tested to be an INFJ also indicated that many made the assumption that she is an extrovert, when in fact, she is an introvert and as someone who is close or the same as her, I can see the introversion tendencies. A question came to mind, when do these personality types begin to solidify? Are these traits a result of genetics or experience that determines our tendencies to be introverted, intuitive and how we feel?
During my preschool years, I was abused. Bruised from my knees, down my shins to my ankles from my father hitting me with nun-chucks because I would fall asleep in the car at two AM while he drove around town. The psychological abuse progressively got worse with threats that the police were coming to take me away. He informed me that his life was miserable because of my birth and that he wished I had never been born. I wonder, is this when my introverted tendencies begin or was this a born trait?
After my mother discovered that I had written in my Bible that I wished my Daddy was dead, she began the divorce process and sent my brother and I to the Philippines during my elementary school stage. My introversion became more intense because I was not accepted by the children in the Philippines. I was born of privilege and did not know anything about their culture. When I asked my grandmother for help with my multiplication, I was forced to stay awake until two or three AM, sometimes beaten with a broom stick and told how stupid I was. “God damn you to hell! Why can’t you remember this!” she would shout as she tried to force me to memorize my multiplication table. Two and a half years were spent isolating and trying to survive waiting to return to the United States where I belonged. I stopped doing my homework so I went from an inquisitive, straight ‘A’ student that loved Math to a child that no longer cared because nobody seemed to care about me. Where does intuition begin? Is it past lifetime experiences, is it the process of how individuals are born with neuron pathways and how our brains work or is it experiences in this lifetime?
After I returned to the United States, I discovered what racism was while we tried to survive in a trailer park in Bonney Lake, Washington. The children would force me to the back seat of the bus calling me a nigger, jap, gook, and chink. Then after the bus would drop us off, they would gather around me and beat me until I could escape running for my life to the safety of our trailer. Until my mother introduced us to her friend that was her lead chemical engineer at Boeing. That was when life began to change, for the better.
We moved to a little town called South Prairie in Washington and during my adolescent stage, a senior in high school asked me if I was going to try out to be a cheerleader for my seventh grade year. I was appalled and thought she must be joking. I looked at her in consternation and quickly replied, “No.” “Why not,” she asked, “You never know until you try. I see you in town all the time. Come over to my house after school and I will teach you. I’ll see you at four.” Every day she worked with me. She taught me jumps, cheers, and coached me on what I should do and what I should not do. As much as my classmates cajoled me, taunted me with retorts that I would never make it, I made the cheerleading squad. I spent that summer at the YMCA Camp Orkila Leadership Development Institute program considering what I would do with this new development in my life. I decided that I would use it as the opportunity to not be like ‘them’. I had no desire to be like the rest of the cheerleaders. Instead, I was going to use the opportunity to show that cheerleaders should be leaders and that involved trying to be inclusive of all people, from all walks of life with empathy and sympathy. That next year was spent with the other cheerleaders threatening to beat me up, trying to get me kicked off the squad, and often I went home crying, still feeling very much alone in the world.
Later in my adolescence, my mother and stepfather were looking for a way to keep me out of trouble so they would often send me to the Seattle Pacific Science Center where I volunteered and spent weekends wandering through the exhibits and attending lectures. It was at the Science Center that I was introduced to computers. My parents ended up buying a Tandy 1000 and put it in my room with the instructions to never touch it. They were simply storing it there for the time being. Their reverse psychology worked. I fired up the computer, figured out how to get those five-and-a-half floppy disks to operate the machine and proceeded to teach myself DOS. Because I was in choir and band, I would often get stuck on my music because I couldn’t figure out how a sixteenth note should sound. I programmed the computer to play the sheet music so I could hear how it should sound and it helped me understand the timing that I should be playing. My love for computers began. I could manipulate it, ask it questions, I could enter commands and it never judged me. It was my solace from the world with the books I would often escape in. How has this impacted the way I interact with others?
Because of my experiences, my personality type is indeed pulled in passionate fervor, to cheer for the underdog, the downtrodden and oppressed. The injustice of the world to continue to oppress those who do not have the tools or the opportunity to rise are those who I strive to empower. As much as I am an introvert, I am also extremely inquisitive and as a result tend to be very cautious of people who have given me reason to be wary so I tend to observe in order to be intuitive about how I will relate to people. However, it is a continual effort to challenge my tendency to isolate. Because team synergy and team interaction was a toddler desire, it has remained with me through the years and I still make concerted effort to be inclusive of all people regardless of their socio-economic status. I have survived physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and cancer. There must be a reason that I am still here so I continue to battle and continue to survive and I hope that I can inspire and empower others along the way, using my skills of introversion to protect myself, capitalizing on my intuition and feelings so I will have accomplished some good in this world having turned my wounds into strengths while helping others to accomplish same.